I talked to both of my parents actually. I really respect their marriage and the happiness they share with one another. I talked to them one right after the other and they both kind of had similar things to say. My husband and I just got married 3 months ago ( today!) and we are hoping to wait a little while before we have kids but it was really good to talk about some things that we should always remember when we do get pregnant and have kids. Here is the advice they gave me.
Put your husband first. It’s him who you start with and him who you end with.
I really like this because a lot of times people think that they need to put their kids first. Of course they need to take care of their kids and meet their needs, but their spouse is the person they chose to be with for eternity. I know that I chose my husband to be with for eternity and I am so grateful that I get to do so.
Make sure to keep the friendship between you and spouse.
My mom really emphasized this. She told me that we need to build upon the friendship that we already have and that we started before we got married. That friendship will help us through the rough times and through all of our children. By the time all of our kids are out of the house we will be left with the love we have for each other and the friendship we have built upon. She told me to really focus on that before we have kids so that when we do have kids it will be easier to know how and remember to build that friendship.
Make sure there is always time for the two of you
This one, to me, is so important. My husband and I got married right before both of our last semesters in college. We are both so busy this semester with all of our school work, future plans, and trying to spend time with the friends we have here before we leave. We do most of this together, but sometimes it is hard finding time to just sit down and have “us” time. I think life if busy now, just wait until I have kids. Not only kids, but when they are all involved in things and we are running every which way. We need to work on always making sure there is time for us.
Vertical alignment: Heavenly Father first, then your spouse, then your children
This was one thing that my dad told me. When he first said “vertical alignment”, I laughed because I thought it was just another sarcastic answer that my dad had for me. But then he explained that if you always keep them in this order it will strengthen your relationship with each one of the three. For example, never put your children before your husband and never put your husband before the Lord. That was big for me. When I am set on making someone happy or growing with someone, that’s all I can think about for the most part. It was a good reminder to always keep Heavenly Father first, no matter what. Then when we have children, they are so precious and very important, but I still need to put my husband before them. I need to make sure that as a mother and a wife that I fulfill both responsibilities. I need to spend time with my husband just as much as I need to feed and take care of the baby.
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